"Sing Every Note" an accidental poem about freedom

thoughts on being off social media, New Year's resolutions, writing when I actually have something to say and lastly a little belated holiday gift in the form of a poem ;)

Happy New Year to all the gracious humans who are following along on this journey. I clocked out 2022 with a whopping 1 official post on Substack (find here) in August despite a goal of posting every two weeks. There is an archive of unfinished drafts but only one post that I confidently clicked “Publish” on. I have lots of excuses. I’m a new mom, we sold our house and have moved twice in the last 4 months, my mental and physical health is subpar... but we all know the real reason 2022 wasn’t abundant with my words and that’s because I’m a people-pleasing perfectionist who is unsure if she has anything valuable to say.

Whilst not producing content for you, however, I did soothe my anxious little heart and get off social media. I took the social media detox plunge for so many reasons…I re-watched The Social Dilemma and it scared the pants off me, I hate the person social media rewires me to be (i.e. viewing any experience as a branding opportunity to convince people I went to high school with that my life is a product worth consuming), it’s a hotbed for confrontation that would never escalate the same way in person. I could go on, but I’ll save it for a separate post ( woohoo three posts for me! #ambitious). Like all things though, nothing is black and white and there are of course so many positives but right now being off of it is bringing me so much peace and clarity and that’s what I know today…in this moment as my daughter relentlessly tries chewing on the elk antler that I bought for the dogs instead of the 75 age-specific toys I strategically arranged around her. 

On New Year’s Eve my husband and I, ironically each over our own large pizza, discussed our “New Year’s resolutions.” His, per usual, despite the large pizza, were very fitness-focused ( yes, my husband is the kind of person that gets up every day at 5 AM and works out in our garage, and yes I do continue to just be jealous of his dedication year after year rather than learn by his example and change). One of my resolutions was to write more in the hopes of publishing more to Substack. 

There are so many accounts on Instagram that I have learned so much from and have whole folders dedicated to so I can save their content and refer back to it. These are the accounts that make social media worthwhile, I am giving them my time and they are teaching, inspiring, changing, and challenging me. Then there are those accounts where you become weary of following them because their content feels like it’s on a loop, forced and repetitive to keep up with the algorithm and stay in your feed.

Today, my husband and I reworked my resolution because I don’t want to take up space in your inbox unless I am moved to write to you. I don’t want to be in your feed constantly if I can be in your heart sometimes. I don’t want to think of something to say to you. I want to be so affected or inspired by something that writing to you about it is the only way to fully digest and honor it. 

My resolution is now around writing as often as possible but only sharing, as Elizabeth Gilbert writes “that which causes a revolution in my heart.”

On par with my resolution, I was journaling this morning…there was no pressure from myself or an algorithm... just some sacred time between me and my notebook while the white noise from Holly’s baby monitor buzzed in the background. My pen surprised me as it composed this poem ( a form of writing I love but rarely write). Unlike all of those unfinished drafts, it felt worth sharing. Reading it made the perpetual noise of people pleasing and perfection in my head go quiet. Remember the feeling in your tummy of being homesick as a child at a sleepover and how long those nights felt? I have been feeling that way for years. Leaving social media feels like coming home from that unsavory sleepover where the house smells funny and they have none of your favorite snacks. So, 2023, here is my first offering. 

Perfection is a cage

A stage

A place that holds me down

Yearning for a crown  that cannot stay

For when I sway 

The slightest bit

I lose it

It never fit 

In being free

I am Me

But lose the crown 

It falls down

Upon the stage 

Freedom comes at a cost

     Perception lost. 

I am love

I am a dove

Flying high 

Looking down at all the crowns 

No longer shiny from this height

But sharp, uninviting, and contrite. 

Please share your heart 

I can’t stand the performance art 

I need your soul

Raw and whole

Be real with me 

I want to see

What’s inside 

I’m tall enough for this ride. 

Let’s be free

Come away with me

To a place

Full of Grace

Where who you are

Fits in among the stars

Part of a constellation 

Glittering and high 

You made it

Don’t be shy 

There’s no time to be polite

Your soul is in there 

Waiting to bear

Itself 

Finally without restraint

Open the gate

What is a voice?

A sound we find to communicate our mind?

Or a note we play 

To convey 

A song with a beat

Catchy and neat 

One others will sing 

That has a nice ring 

Rather than one that’s lyrically true 

Of what’s inside of you 

Put down your instrument

Dig down deep

There’s already a melody 

That wants to be free 

To be sung from the lungs

That bring air, that care, that

keep you afloat

Now is the time 

Sing every note. 

I love you. All 69 of you ( yes I have 69 subscribers and it’s bringing my husband unbridled joy... so thank you for the family-wide support.) Let’s make a resolution this year my fellow people pleasers to seek approval from ourselves instead of others. Please share in the comments one change you are going to make to help get you there. I need all the help I can get ;)

From my heart,

     Heather 

P.S. has anyone heard about this new manicure robot situation at Target!? If you’ve had said robot do your nails, tell me everything!:)

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